!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Transitional//EN" "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-transitional.dtd"> Jen's Dirty Thirties

junk in tha trunk

2006-01-10 / 4:05 p.m.
night three of my four night rotation and i'm starting to feel like i'm getting a cold. i've been doing well staying up all night, it helps when i work out on the treadmil in the gym. driving home is the worst part. i feel like i'm driving drunk i'm so damn sleepy. i've been getting home around 6:45am, eating something and being in bed by 7a. i usually wake up around 3:30pm, but if i knew i didn't have to work, i'd sleep some more.

we had a girl come in last night and the cops that brought her in had to take her to the hospital because she was 'keistering' some drug accessories. for those of you who don't know what 'keistering' is, it means stored in your ass for safe keeping. some of these girls hide things in their vaginas as well.

the whole idea of shoving your one hitter and stash of weed up your ass just sounds totally desparate. i'm not one to ever think smoking pot is a big deal, and i don't think it is a gateway drug. i don't personally touch the stuff because i lack the ability to use it wisely. then again, i don't know many responsible pot smokers. anyway, when you take the lack of impulse control of a teenager, combine it with smoking large quantities of pot and drinking, i guess it might cross my mind to shove a pipe and bag o' weed up my ass if the cops were searching me. NOT.

they had to take her to the ER and have medical staff remove the items from her ass because she shoved them up there too far. puns around the water cooler at work emerged in my head like, "wow, this doobie tastes like shit", and "what kind of stuff is this, ass of Guadalajara?", and lastly, "woah, i guess you could say she really DID have junk in her trunk"
(insert rim shot here guffaw, oh guffaw)

do i really want to reproduce, knowing that could be the possibility i would face as a parent? i can already imagine the phone call i'd get at 2:30 in the morning....

"hello mrs. molica, this is the _________ police department. we caught your son/daughter doing whip it cans in the parking lot of wal-mart. when we searched them, we suspected that he/she could have been concealing some items up his/her ass, and we need you to come down to the station to see if you can remove these items"

no way. my future child will NOT be like that...i think---i hope. after working with juvenile delinquents for a few years, vince and i have come to the conclusion that once we reproduce, he is going to be a stay at home parent. on my days off he'll work part time. we know this will make us poorer than ever and be kind of scary at times, but i don't want to leave the fruit of my loins unsupervised or with an overcharging dipshit baby sitter.

the hillarious part of this all is that i'm not even pregnant yet. i'm off into futureland and my mind is in overdrive. this isn't very spiritual thinking....and if our future bundle of joy is raised with love, boundaries, discipline, etc--and still ends up being a terror, i guess i'll just have to go to jail myself for kicking his or her ass. perhaps when i do this, it will dislodge the contraband.

»«