!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Transitional//EN" "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-transitional.dtd"> Jen's Dirty Thirties

hey, you wanna smell my dick cheese?

2005-10-16 / 5:53 p.m.
vinnie told me a few days ago to smell his dick cheese. i giggled and told him i would title my diary entry with that. so there you go.

i'm not an expert of the scent of dick cheese. today's entry is about smells. i accompanied vin to the rheumatologist's office and there was a woman in there who had her perfume on so thick i could hardly breathe. oddly enough, when i was in the promptcare room a few days earlier for my ear infection, the nurse taking my vitals had also been basking in the stench of a mixture of superglue and gardenias. i kept coughing and sneezing and another nurse asked me "how long have you been having these symptoms?" and i told her i was there for an earache and the smell of the other nurse was making me do that.
marination is a wonderful thing if you are marinating a juicy salmon steak, or some chicken. when people marinate themselves in stanky ass ho perfume, that's a problem.

now there's something about me you should know. in addition to the retarded, i used to make fun of people with 'chemical sensitivity' disorder, y'know, people who never use deodorant and clean with vinegar because their bodies can't handle chemical cleaning compounds. i'm starting to understand why. my hypothesis is these chemical sensitivity people had a mother that saturated herself in cheapo-avon catpiss smelling cologne. they grew up with the smell and the scent destroyed their body's ability to tolerate any sort of anything that smelled of flowers or citrus.

i personally use a little bit of vanilla oil and some light vanilla spray. people seem to love it. no one has ever said anything to me about it being offensive. if someone did, i would stop. most people tell me i smell like cookies or pudding, which to me-- is a compliment. pudding and cookies are yummy. an ammonia and urine mixture is not.

so-please ladies and gents, stop using so much damn perfume. same goes to hippies: stop infusing your bloodstream with patchoulli and take a fucking bath. your smell makes me gag, which makes me grumpy, which makes me a bitch, and world peace will never be accomplished so long as you keep funking up the planet.

rant over. in my next entry i will describe how i learned how to play "cornhole" at work. stay tuned.

»«