!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Transitional//EN" "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-transitional.dtd"> Jen's Dirty Thirties

"MY DOCTOR TOLD ME I HAD TO TAKE A LAXATIVE!!" not in my store you don't...

2005-10-02 / 6:48 p.m.
i'm ashamed at how little i've been journaling the past couple of months. i've been moving and shaking with work, emt class, making art, and finding some time somewhere to relax.

vin and i did just that. friday we lounged around sleeping in, taking naps, eating at the indian buffet, and going to target. saturday we went to spring mill state park near mitchell and took ladymutt for a hike to a cave and around a lake. i screamed like a little bitch because a snake slithered across my foot. an outsider would have thought it was an python by the way i was screaming, but it was a baby snake. i don't care...it was a fucking snake and i hate snakes. we wore the doggie out and she slept all the way home. we took another nap, i said havdalah, and we did our grocery shopping in the evening.

i know, not very interesting. today was all about the studying. i have a BIG fucking EMT exam on wednesday, covering 7 chapters. i'm really glad i never got into grad school, because i forgot how much being in school fucking sucks. i'm taking one class and i study all the goddamn time. granted, i like getting good grades, and that's why i study. not to mention--that work is paying for the class and if i fail, i have to reimburse johnson county government $500 for the class and i DON'T get a raise.

to boot it's high holy day time of year. the time that most jews come out of the woodwork and show up to synagogue. i can't believe how packed beth shalom becomes. i had NO idea btown was so full of jews. i'm afraid i've become one of those jews, only showing up for the holy days. i rarely go anymore on fridays when i have them off. i just want to spend time at home and stay connected via reading, lighting the candles, and spending lovey dovey time with the mr.

with yom kippur around the corner, i've thought alot about how i want to change. i want to be more religiously observant about specific things, namely NOT making any financial decisions or transactions during shabbat. because of my line of work, i can't avoid working on shabbat (technically i save lives in my line of work, and a jew can violate shabbat law to preserve a life), but i can avoid spending.

i would also like to quit gossiping at work. it's so fucking hard and such an easy trap to fall into--when you work where i work, it's one of the things i do to release tension. in retrospect, i fully realize it's not very mature. i'm falling into us vs. them thinking and all that shit is counterproductive yadda, yadda, fucking, yadda. scrapping that shit to the side, i just need to quit finding excuses for the gossiping and stop. it doesn't matter what others think of me, and the ones that i work with that are morons aren't going to change. in a world where i'm powerless over a majority of the planet's happenings, i am NOT powerless over my attitude.

the last big thing i want to do is keep making art, and doing more promotion. i've strayed away from the writing and have been leaning towards the visual lately, and i feel that it serves me better. so, any of you good at web site building? i need some help so i can get visual images on the net. i just need to get off my ass and do it. historically, i have held back because of fear of rejection. lately i've been submitting stuff and have had a couple, but i've been getting more positive feedback than negative, so that tells me if i keep making my shit and just do it because i love it, everything will fall into place.

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