!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Transitional//EN" "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-transitional.dtd"> Jen's Dirty Thirties

reverting back to teen years: my cranky, angsty, inmature entry

2005-07-23 / 4:21 p.m.
wahoo! bloomington is all mine. my ex, the one that i originally moved here for, the one that i used to hate for so long, has found a job and left town. wahoo! i can now go places and not worry about running into her. i was starting to get annoyed. she had moved here in 1998 to start working on her PHD. i was starting to think, "jesus christ, just how fucking long does it take to write a dissertation? why doesn't she leave already?" well, my prayers have been answered. goodbye, adios, bon voyage, et al. i no longer hate you ms. ex-(i haven't hated you in quite some time, you just annoy the shit out of me, and i'm sure the feeling is mutual, touche), and wish you all of the joy, peace, serenity, and blessings you can handle.

as afore mentioned, i love my new job. i dig the 4 on, 4 off rotations, and have become a powerhouse of art production. my beef is that i work with a group of conservatives that are so tenacious about their belief system, that the very idea of thinking outside of the box-(hell looking outside of the box) is threatening to them. i'm sick of their shit. i'm over it. the problem is that i'm recognizing that i'm wandering in the dynamic of "me vs. them" thinking which is counterproductive. i don't think anyone is any better than anyone else-(well, i have my exceptions-cough, cough, the president, cough). to boot, the new boss likes to make fat jokes, and it makes me wanna kick him squa in da nutts. i've made the mistake of talking politics once with them, and won't do it again because i was ripped a new asshole for being a 'bleeding heart liberal'. it doesn't matter anyway. talking to them about that shit is like clapping with one hand.

so, you ask--why do i keep this job? am i a glutton for punishment, no? well, i love the kids, it's as simple as that. i believe in what i'm doing, and feel a social obligation to teach these kids some skills, so hopefully they won't come back to detention. in most cases, i know damn well it isn't gonna work, BUT there is that 1 kid out of 200 that might make different decisions. i believe in tikkun olam-(to heal the world).


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