!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Transitional//EN" "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-transitional.dtd"> Jen's Dirty Thirties

little pink socks for you and me

2004-10-26 / 12:43 p.m.
"AIDS-dahdoo,dah,dee-dah,dahdah,dadaah,doodah..."
- HIV song off Ween's Chocolate and Cheese album

i had that song and the 'freedom of '76' number in my head the entire time i was in philly. i didn't know this because i'm a clog, but new hope is only 40 miles from the town of brotherly love. the funny thing is, Chocolate and Cheese isn't even my favorite album, it's GodWeenSatan: The Oneness, followed by The Pod, and then 12 Country Greats.

AIDS. i'm so fucking over that disease. my boss says she never gets tired, she just gets more and more hope, esp. since people are living longer with all the new meds an' shit. bah. fuck the meds, i want a CURE. i want janelle and all the other people i have met to come back.

my students pushed me over the edge last night. normally i recognize their behavior has nothing to do with me and don't let them get under my skin. they were being unusually wild, moreso than usual and well, i was trying to explain something and i stuttered-(did i mention that i have a stuttering problem? i don't really do it unless i'm really flustered and annoyed). a group of female students wouldn't stop laughing at me. this hit a sore spot, so i collected my surveys and told them i was leaving. a few of the girls begged, "please don't leave ms. jen!" and i explained to them there was NO way i was sticking around to be treated like crap and left. i told them that they could th-think about their behavior and i would see them on nov. 8th. i was humiliated. i cried and cussed at god all the way home.

of course when something minute happens like that, i immediately devalue myself and think that i"'m nothing but a joke to these girls" when i know i do really important work. my boss reminded me that their behavior has NOTHING to do with me. sometimes it's so easy to lose sight of it all and get caught in the nasty web of their antics.

as i write this, vin's dad is in surgery getting his cancer removed. the doc says it's supposed to be successful, but i'll relax once he's home. vin of course, is freaking out and needs reassurance. i love him so, i'm glad that we get along so well and can be there to comfort each other unconditionally. i really missed him while i was gone.

one of my adventurous purchases in philly was a pair of pink socks with white writing all over them: "what up gangstah!" no shit.

i know what you readers are thinking: that i wore the socks yesterday and that's why the girls were laughing. i wish that was the case, but it wasn't .


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